IDEALS

i get attached very easily. to a book, to an oversized sweater, to my new earphones. to a person perhaps. i relish in every beautiful detail that enters my life. i hold it, memorising its contours, twisting every tangible object between my fingers. its so bloody perfect. something happens. a word, a look, a scratch, a lie. then the dream shatters. it may take an hour, a day, a year even. but sooner or later it ruptures.

and then my heart breaks a little on the inside.

i clutch on to the jagged pieces desperately, believing that the memory of its beauty will reign supreme. but it never does. disillusioned and ruined, i let it go. but months and years will pass. and one day a sudden touch, an old picture reminds me of what i once had. its frightening allure but never the aches of the aftermath.

and my heart breaks a little more, wondering how i ever let such a thing go.

yearning takes over and i would wander around in the narrow alleys of my heart until i find what i want. and then the cycle starts again. and i allow myself to. because a fleeting pleasure, a temporary liberation is worth everything. even if i curse reality a thousand times through it all.