WANT. NEED.

Writing is incredibly scary sometimes. All forms of it. Texting, chatting, essaying. Sometimes I have a vague notion floating in my mind, sometimes an incessant worry or even a faint doubting of something, anything. I never want to pen it down. Seeing it in writing, my deepest thoughts and hidden ideals, just makes it so real. Suddenly its no longer a kaleidoscope of tangled words I can ignore. Its there. Its real.I thought this once. I felt this once. A second ago. A year ago. It doesn't matter. I can relive it, desiring to or not. A longing turns out to be an infatuation [hi Mabel. ;)], a fear becomes a lifelong aversion. It does make everything better sometimes, spilling it all, even if just to a white space before my eyes. But when things change, it just makes me cringe. I don't want to remember some things. I don't want to know how I felt before. It just changes how I feel about it now. I don't want to long for something in the past. I don't want to continue loving or despising something desperately just because of the concrete past glaring at me every once in a while. I want it to be perfect. I want something to be perfect. Its may be just my nonsensical schoolgirl ideal or fantasy but I just want something to be perfect. Something so perfect I could cling to it forever and believe in infinity. Infinite opportunities, infinite dreams, infinite human relationships, infinite changes, infinite stability. Infinity. What a hatefully amazing word it is.

Wow I sure drifted.

No paragraphs. Just how thoughts are formed at nearly 2am. :)